Back to August 2007
Health & Healing – August 2007
Where Your Soul is Welcome
And Your Voice is Heard
© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Founder, Spiritual Living Network & Your Spiritual Home.
Co-Founder, Humana Center
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A longing for community is natural. We want acceptance, inclusion, trust, respect and attention. We want to be able to count on open minds, open hearts and open arms to welcome us. For many, this sounds too ideal to be real. But for those who believe it is possible, it is a homecoming. Community and family can be created–and it begins within.
A baby is entirely externally oriented and dependent. Maturing requires reversing this trend. The most important question we will ask in life is: Who am I? Finding the answer takes time, willingness, solitude and fortitude as we process our own experience boldly and create our own templates. For most, it seems easier to wander with the pack and engage with the “shame, blame and justify” crowd. We know them. And we know the game they play. Playing it gives a false sense of inclusion. Conversation centers on what's wrong with the world and why we cannot achieve our purpose. Of course, the allusive “they” is always to blame.
At our darkest moments, we wonder if there really is anyone who will, or can, walk through life with us. Is there anyone we can trust? Is there someone who cares? We deserve and require mutually supportive relationships. There is no health in being a lone ranger and taking on the world alone. We need a sidekick or two we can count on. We need a sense of community.
At our brightest moments, too, we need our community to share our victories, breakthroughs, joys and successes. We want to celebrate and be celebrated. We look forward to safe challenges to our thinking, the acceptance of our ideas with curiosity to learn and the wisdom of the group. We want relationships built on an agreement to be neither invasive nor evasive, but thoughtfully supportive of our own processing. Once we have this experience, it is revolutionary. I know it was for me.
My family ran somewhere between demanding inquisition and cold indifference. My ideas and questions were not safe because my family felt threatened. What if they did not have an answer? The only possible antidote to that threat seemed to be to refute me or put-down my inquiries immediately. Being bright but, apparently, a slow learner, I continued to pop up with those questions and ideas that created a battlefield of epic proportions. Certainly, home was not a safe harbor.
School seemed to hold more promise. Conversations, discussions, even debates, were encouraged. Things looked up. Ah, but, even teachers and classmates have their limits. My desire to have deep, trusting, respectful, engaging relationships built on a willingness to tackle the great ideas and issues of life did not fit too well with most folks. It became clear that a few close friends would be the family that mattered.
And, so it was. And, so it has continued. We find our people, our community, even if they do not know one another. At the Humana Center, we create community on purpose in order to have what we call “conversations that matter.” Each of us has a basic human need to feel that we belong.
Saying we belong or appearing to belong are poor substitutes for feeling we belong. Deep inside, many people feel like they are observers rather than participants in life.
This reminds me of Leo Busgaglia, the San Francisco psychologist. His followers came to him to engage his empathy regarding a young man who committed suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. The note that the young man left said, “I'm going to walk across the Bridge and if no one smiles at me, I'm going to jump.” The folks who told Dr. Busgaglia about this thought he would be stricken by the sadness of the situation. He is reported to have simply commented, “I wonder how many people he smiled at.”
What was the young man doing to create community for himself?
Abundance is found in community, not alone. When we spend time in the company of people who share our values, interests and passions, we come alive and feel connected. As Parker J. Palmer wrote:
“We need trustworthy relationships, tenacious communities of support, if we are to sustain the journey toward an undivided life. That journey has solitary passages, to be sure, and yet it is simply too arduous to take without the assistance of others.”
As we process our experiences, we look for places to make our unique contribution to the world. One of the most valuable tools for learning about our own “instinctual” software is the Core Values Profile (www.CoreValuesProfile.com ). Not only does it provide practical insights to assist us in understanding ourselves, it provides valuable insights into every relationship at home, in the workplace, at school and in the community. When we know how we are hard-wired, we can live our purpose successfully and peacefully.
We have the opportunity to purposefully create community that welcomes our soul and hears our voice. It is a practical, engaging, supporting endeavor. The journey toward inner truth is very taxing when done alone and the path is often too deeply hidden to be traveled without company. Community supports us and gives us the courage to venture into the alien lands and unknown terrains to which our inner teacher may call us. I invite you to engage in creating collaborative community. With this aim in mind, you are welcome to join us at the Humana Center.
Transpersonal psychologist Rhoberta Shaler, PhD has assisted people in all phases of life from those facing death and despair to those seeking solutions to the practical problems of living. Through workshops, classes and individually, she connects people with their authentic selves, purpose and values. Learn more at www.HumanaCenter.com